Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Weed 101 - 25 Things Dealers Should Know

1. You are a dealer, DEAL.
2. If you are indeed my friend who deals, I'm allowed to go smoke with someone else; especially if they're intending on paying for it.
3. Don't tell me fifteen minutes when you damn well know it takes a half hour from where you are to get here.
4. Consider upgrading your quality and downgrading your prices. I don't know how; figure it out. Lucas did.
6. If I receive any more "mass texts" from you about you having herb to sell, I will never give you business again. Anyone trained in English can tell when it's a mass text.
7. You have NO IDEA what you're doing.
8. This weed does not belong to you, and it doesn't belong to me. It doesn't belong to anyone.
9. How is it possible to be a pot-smoking weed dealer, and know exactly who Young Jeezy is, but NO IDEA who Louis Armstrong is?
10. There's a reason I've never been robbed before.
11. A business with a delivery service is a much more profitable business.
12. Okay, it's just me and you; why do we HAVE to roll a blunt?
13. Oh yeah; because you have no idea how to roll a joint.
14. It's important as a dealer to remember the position you signed up for.
15. You may want to consider simplifying the situation a bit.
16. If you get held up, pick up your phone and let your customer know that you'll be late.
17. If you advertise that you sell small bags (AKA that you 'nickel & dime'), then sell small bags, and don't cringe when people want one. Not everyone can afford an ounce of pot.
18. Here's a little advice: Keep your mouth shut.
19. As much as I'd love to hang out, I'm in a rush. Sue me.
20. $15 dollars is the worst price ever created. It's either $10, or it's $20. It doesn't matter how much you "got" for it; it's poor customer service.
21. Herb turns into money when you deal it.
22. Unless you're dealing to smoke for free, you're just like the retail salesman at the local appliance store. Money-hungry and oblivious.
23. A $30 bag should contain 30 seperate smoke sessions. 30 bowl packs. I'm not crazy, it just sounds like a nice round number.
24. It's a lot easier to do what you're doing than you think. Reevaluate your scenario.
25. The only reason that I don't do what you do is because I am too busy being a consumer. The difference between you and me is that if there was no money, money didn't exist, i'd still be a consumer, however you would be too. Money is a trick.

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