I am tired of living with people. Even if it is the woman I love most, my mother, I cannot stand to live with other people. The next apartment I get will be a studio; a cave in which I can retreat from everyone and just enjoy silence with myself.
The silence comes from being an only child. The silence was there, so I decided to fill it with music. That was just how things came to be. And all of that isolation, all of that time alone in my bedroom - it really opened me up to the possibilities of becoming one with yourself, understanding yourself, and being confident in yourself.
For a person like me, it just does not seem fair. All I want is a spread of land about 20 acres. There is enough land in the world (in the county alone) to give to me. Why should I have to pay the government to squat on God's land? If they took the time to learn my intentions, they'd see that there is no harm aside from being completely independent from the grid, and they don't want that. The government, does NOT want that.
So what am I to do? Rise above it? Conform? In the worst way, I wish not to. I can get my solitude in the woods at any time, but I can't bring a laptop into the wilderness, 1) because there's no electricity, and 2) because it's a burning contradiction. I can take my laptop to the library, but even there I'll be tempted to peruse the classic literature of better days, and lose myself in that.
It's not about self-control; it's about me being suppressed of my freedom.
As a man of God, I should be able to choose my woods, excavate those woods, build a home, and grow my own food. It used to be so. Not anymore. Not in the 2000's.
I must have that cave; the cave where I can go and be by myself and still get my work done. The woods will always be there.