The Scent of a Woman (Fresh Out the Tanning Booth)

I like women. My mother has three sisters, all of whom have been heavily involved in my life. So, even at an early age I was beginning to learn about the many different types of women.

I appreciate what the girls in my family have done for me; and from that I believe comes an all-around respect for women. However, what is not often talked-about, by guys, are the standards that come with a respect like that. Let's consider my idea of a good woman.

A good woman is one who breathes. She acknowledges she is alive and embraces her responsibilities as a woman. A good woman is aware of her talents. She respects her body as a temple and lives out her life in that body naturally. A good woman strives to see the universe in everyone's eyes and learns to radiate her postiveness unto others. In the early years of her life, she puts herself first, in her prime years it is her child, and in the later years it is her husband. Just like everything else, she dies naturally. Now let's consider the average woman that I come across every single day of the week.

Painted in some brown-orange substance, a woman walks into a club with her friends, all of them tapping on their cell phones. This is the only situation she knows how to be in on a Thursday night. She orders the most complex cocktail and sends it back because it's too strong, or there's not enough lime juice. You get to talking to her, and she shows no interest in hearing about you or your achievements; she almost asks about you because she feels like she has to. The only thing she does is play some lame sport in college, like field hockey or lacrosse, and doesn't even get excited when she talks about it. She has a plastic bulb in the middle of her tongue. A stroller goes by outside with a baby in it, and she goes buckwild. She eventually talks about little kids for a good amount of time, and returns to her standby self. When it's time for her and her friends to leave, she gives you a wave with no eye-contact, or perhaps a haphazardly half-hug that feels like it's coming from your sister. Yep...see ya later.

Not all girls are like this, but where I live, in Worcester, 8 out of 10 are like that.

I can't say it's all their fault. I have a tendency to make people feel uncomfortable. Not completely intentional, but I like to make it known where I want the conversation to go. With these girls, it's quite hard to stoop so low. Most of the time, I feel like I'm scaring them away because I'm somehow completely different from all the tasteless, beefed-up, jerkoff jocks that they know and have been with. It's funny; I know I'm a good person and quite the catch....but I'm not a bonehead or an asshole. Any of these halfway, hooliganettes would be lucky to have someone like me.

And then there are those cool gals that I meet every once in a while. I'm not suggesting all girls in the United States are bimbos. There are some that seem compatible with me. My standards are not high; I do talk to these clubrat girls. I also talk to fat girls. I also talk to girls of all different races. It's not about looks for me; it's more about what you bring to the table. If you are a hilarity, let's hang out. If you aren't done with your night after the bars close at 2 (better yet, if you've never said "I gotta go home and go to bed"), you are most definitely a keeper. A good woman ceases the day. A good woman has no shame or regrets.

Lord send me a good woman, for I haven't left Worcester yet, and we all need some good lovin'. So come on in my kitchen and I will cook for YOU.